Diet and a whole shitload of hatred for MONDAY.

I feel like I'm dying of hunger, is that normal? Every time I see doughnuts or chocolate cake I want to spit at it and throw it against the wall, just so that I'm not the only one suffering from sugar withdrawals.  Does that make me selfish? Maybe, but hey you're not the psychologically unbalanced, uber-emotional me and right now I don't give a damn about what others think of me.  I wish I could take a picture of the refrigerator at this very moment(Whatever, I'll post it later...) but let me tell you, it's filled with cupcakes, chocolate cake and flan... oh and lots of bottles of wine.  I know, this is totally idiotic from my part, especially with the whole "diet torture" hovering around my consciousness but it was the boyfriend's birthday, and he celebrated it ALL WEEKEND... what the fuck do you want me to do?

Anyway, who in the right mind orders someone to drink so much water? I feel like drinking 16 cups of water is excessive, I don't breathe underwater you know, I might be close to looking like a gigantic blue-fin tuna but no need to rub it in my face.  So diet coach... here is a "don't fuck with me" middle finger ok? I'm actually drinking 10 cups of water, its a little bit more balanced and I don't feel like traitor to this healthy expensive diet plan that I'm paying or that the french is going to chop my head like Mary Antoinette.

Did I also mention that is MONDAY? The worse day of all days of everything in the world?  Fine, that right there doesn't make any sense but you get the idea, no need to explain my hatred. Example of my hatred:

I know, the sun wearing sunglasses? Maybe it hates itself.

I'm not sure that pepper spray and lightning is enough to describe how much  I loathe this day, its the most dreadful thing ever, like drowning in a sea of shitty Teletubbies while the assholely pretentious characters from Glee sing gibberish while you die.

Plus, lighting doesn't destroy everything, I mean... I did watch that movie POWDER and it said that you can have awesome powers if you were struck by lightning, you can probably FLY and shoot stars out of your fingers.  Lets just pretend that Monday's kryptonite is lighting ok? Oh and Pepper Spray, but I'll probably hire a police guy to do that for me, but that only happens when you camp in a park for way too long. Plus, I doubt that Monday is part of the 99%, I think it actually belongs to the 0.01 percent of  "Go fuck yourself". Ahh... rant over. :)

I gotta go but I'll keep updating this as much as possible.  I gotta keep "working".  Later gators.

So I started a diet...

Yes, first of all, I haven't written anything in like... months/years? I'm not sure(ok, I'm way too lazy to check anyways).

So I started a diet.  Even though I prefer not to call it that so that it would be less horrible sounding, its still a diet.  
For what It's worth, it's a different type of diet.  I hired a "diet coach" or a nutritionist, so that she can make a plan that will fit my daily life and preferred type food intake. Since I don't really use this blog for anything else, I might as well start recording this life-changing process.  Even though I kind of hate putting anything regarding my weight for the public eye, here it goes:

• My weight was 250 pounds
• I have 49.2% fat in my body
• The other 49.8% is water and the rest of my body parts
• My BMI is 48
• I am considered Morbidly Obese
• I am 28 yrs old, and 5'6

It has been modified to fit a 1750 calorie intake daily.  I have to drink 16 cups of water a day. No more than 30 grams of fat per day. No more than 2000 mg of sodium a day.  I have to eat as much  fiber as possible. The more fiber the better. I have to do 45-60 minutes of cardio at least 3 times a week.

I have to admit, looking at that scale was a big wake-up call.  I lost so much weight and I basically gained it back, just because I was too lazy to eat healthy, because I was in a relationship and I stopped trying.  My boyfriend has lost 35 pounds, in the last 4 months, basically doing nothing.  Its very embarrassing when the one you love weights less than you do.  For me, its been heartbreaking to see my body falter into what I used to be 5 yrs ago.

 Yes... 5 years ago, I weight 175 pounds, my pant size was a 10, my shirts were Medium. I felt great, I looked great, I had so much attention because I looked so good.  Now I'm obese, My pant size is a 18, I'm a X-Large shirt size... How did I ever let myself go?

Well to answer that question, here its what happened:

• Around 10yrs ago, I was in a car accident.  At first nothing was wrong with me but years later, I started to have pain in my legs.  I started to walk with a limp because it began to feel worse.  I was around 263 pounds back then, and looked pretty horrible.  After an MRI, I found out that I had 3 herniated disks, in which 2 of them were pinching my sciatic nerve, hence why I was always in pain.
• I had my first love.  I was madly in love with this guy, but a 2 years later, struggling with the long distance(I used to live in St. Louis, MO as an exchange student, I had to come back to my home in Puerto Rico to finish my studies before I can move back to the states again), he left me. I was devastated, mostly because he basically disappeared from this earth and told his mother to tell me it was over.  I couldn't handle it and became borderline suicidal. My back and leg pain became worse.
• After that, I got kicked out from my home.  I lived in an apartment with roomates. I had 2 jobs.  I was working and studying full time.  I didn't eat that much so I started to lose weight. Also, the pain started to fade, I was walking like a normal human being again
• I moved to another apartment, a studio.  I lost my job.  I was doing my masters.  Stressed out and starving because I had no money, I lost more weight. My leg pain was almost gone
• After that I got a job working at a restaurant as a cashier.  I set some boundaries regarding my eating. I started to work-out and eat healthy.  I lost more weight. N o more back pain.
• I started to follow a eating regimen made of all the acquired knowledge from a lifetime of failed diets. I used to be very strict with what I ate, nothing fried or breaded, no junk food, no fast food, nothing with high sodium, no white flour or breads.  Cardio 3-4 times a week. I was single, and having fun being single.
• I got promoted as manager of the night shift at a restaurant, so I was always on the move.  Then I got another job as Assistant Manager at a very famous Doughnut Chain(Ahem... lets just say its NOT Dunkin Doughnuts) and I was standing up for 10 hours at a time, moving around, managing 20-30 people at once, it was very very hectic so my metabolism was running faster than ever.
• Then I started to have a serious relationship.  The boyfriend started to get me yummy, greasy food(Chinese specifically) and McDonalds, and all sorts of junk food.  He doesn't know how to cook so it wasn't his fault, I could've just said no.
• Then there was a new policy in which I had to taste the product for quality assurance.  Believe me, tasting 14-18 kinds of sugar coated fried dough is not really health conscious.
• After that, I got promoted to a desk job at the corporate offices, so my metabolism dropped into a halt.
• I came so late from work, I didn't exercise or cook, and since I didn't want to cook, the boyfriend would buy fast food.
• Suddenly my pants didn't fit, then my shirts, then my face looked so much fuller.  I started to have a double chin, and got depressed about how horrible I  looked. My solution for that was "binging".  I would emotionally eat to fix my problems. My back pain came back, my lef pain was worse than ever before.  I wouln't believe I was feeling like crap all over again. I got more depressed. I would eat my sorrow away.  I really do not know how to explain this.  I know you might wonder, if I looked so horrible, why not just stop? I just didn't have the strength to change, I wanted to drown in food.
• I could go on and on but revisiting this is a bit emotionally draining.

I know that so many others feel the same way I do.  I would watch all these celebs losing weight, looking gorgeous and couldn't help but think "Damn, I would look way better in that dress".  My parents insisted that I do something about my looks, that I could feel better with less weight.  I didn't want to listen cause I already knew this, but it was still true, I know that I needed to do this.  So I have decided to try this diet, because I need to take control of my life.  Knowing that I did it before and could do it again has propelled me into this zone of "YES I CAN!".  I'm going to start walking and doing cardio, I am going to live a healthy lifestyle, because I only have one life. I cannot be a prisoner of this defective body, I have to be strong so that I can reach my goals, and have the life I always wanted to have... I life were I do not feel pain while I walk, a life where I can wear the clothes that I like, a life where I can look in the mirror and say "I'm happy".  I'm not doing this for anyone but myself.  I believe that I can  accomplish so much, without letting this take over my life, so cheers to choosing life instead of food.